How Do I Love You?
We’ve got a lot going on right now: trying to sell an old house and buy a new one, deciding on our son’s college (and figuring out how to pay for it), growing a church, finishing classes for an advanced degree, building a business. Add in our normal routines and responsibilities and it’s easy to put our marriage on the back burner. After all, the current issues have an expiration date; they won’t last forever. I can put more effort into my relationship with my husband later. So, I run from one responsibility to the next, barely pausing for a bite to eat until I plop down at the end of the day in a heap of exhaustion, with nothing left to give. A marriage can quickly deteriorate under these conditions. How can I save my marriage before it’s thrown on the trash heap of insignificance? I try to focus my attention with three questions.
How can I pray for my spouse today? Not only does my spouse need my prayers on his behalf, but the act of praying for him puts me in the right attitude towards him. I may be struggling with resentment, frustration, or straight-up anger but when I come to God in prayer, He convicts me of my part and softens my heart towards my husband.
How can I show love to my spouse today? Now that my heart has been softened, I ask God to show me how to love him . . . right now. Every day is different. Does he need an encouraging text, an “I love you” sticky note, a romantic dinner, a restful night at home? When God opens my eyes to see my spouse’s need, I can show love to him well.
How can I serve my spouse today? Today may be an incredibly busy day, but surely, I can spare just five minutes to do something special for the man I’ve pledged to love, honor, and cherish, to show him how important he is to me.
Just as my marriage can deteriorate when I neglect it, so my relationship with the Lord can deteriorate if I don’t ask myself three similar questions.
Have I spent time in prayer with God today? The older I get, the more distracted I am. (Wait — what was I saying?) I need times throughout the day to focus my attention on God. Ideally, this is time alone, but even snatches of time throughout the day help—walking to a meeting, driving to lunch, riding in an elevator, showering, cooking dinner, etc.
Have I expressed my love for God today? It can be tempting to only ask God to meet my needs or to show me direction in my life when I pray but asking this question takes the focus off of me. Have I praised God for Who He is? Have I thanked Him for saving me? Have I surrendered this day to Him?
How can I serve God today? As I turn my focus to God, I quiet my mind so that I can hear what God would have me to do with my day. Yes, I need to work, but maybe a coworker needs a kind word on my way to turn in a report. Yes, I need to run errands, but maybe the cashier needs to hear that God loves her. When I tune myself to God, He can use me to bless others, including my spouse.
Will I allow my days to be but a blur of activity, bringing the downfall of my relationships or will I take the time to focus my attention on God and my spouse today?
