When I Don’t Want to Be Me
“I wish I could be just about anyone other than me.” When a friend told me this, it broke my heart.
Her despair was understandable. She had been emotionally abused or neglected her entire life–by her father, mother, stepfather, boyfriends, friends, siblings. She was broken and tired.
She had been plodding along the road to healing and wholeness but the pathway was full of pits, wrong turns, and steep inclines. The more she understood and dealt with her past hurts, the more she felt defeated. Maybe there was no light at the end of the tunnel. She certainly couldn’t see it.
I have been there–where the struggle to remember past hurts, forgive those who’ve hurt me or ask forgiveness from those I’ve hurt, and surrender to God so that He can heal the hurts is overwhelming.
Isaiah 61:1-3 has come to my rescue during times of despair. “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”
Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV
We are not used up rags after life beats us up. Our brokenness becomes a way for us to glorify God … if we’ll let it.
Being broken is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but if it means I get to be a display of God’s splendor, bring it on! So if you’re not sure you even like who you are … if you wish you could be anyone but you, stand up tall in all your brokenness and be a display of God’s splendor.